Flying Home....

I wrote this poem while flying back from Charlotte, I've been meaning to post this for a while but just now getting around to doing it...

Sitting in a plane amidst MP3 players, laptops and DVD players I look out the window as far as the eye can see. Nothing but sheets of white like morning snow. As my eyes are drawn closer to the window I see clouds but my playful imagination sees clumps of cotton candy. Then I look down and see an array of shapes and colors, it looks like a tile mosaic from up here. What goes on down there? Who lives there? Are they happy/sad? As we soar through the miles the plane rocks and the wings shake. I look around the plane, some people sleeping, some reading, some people are watching our their windows as well. How many of us live in Arizona? What were they in NC for? How many are simply visiting Arizona maybe to see family? My thoughts wander to my own family...hubby should be picking the kids up now and heading to the airport to pick me up. I can't wait to see them, did they miss me? I gaze back outside trying to figure out where we are. I recognize nothing, my eyes are distracted by lines, shapes and colors but wait...yes I see mountains which means we are close!!! My heart swells and I exhale knowing that I'll be home soon with those that I love dearly.

Abundance...

Abundance, blessed, lucky, ...call it what you want just make sure you are thankful for it. All of us are given things that we should be thankful for but yet many times all we hear from those around us is negativity over what they don't have, what they want, etc.
I know I used to be a real Debbie Downer and focus on all the things in life that I wanted but wasn't lucky or blessed enough to have. I would look at women around me who could afford the nice cars, nice houses, nice clothes and say to myself, "How come I don't have that life?"
I remember one very important day in my life, one that changed my view on my life ever since. I was in Wal-Mart (surprise, suprise) and I had my kids with me, those of you who have multiple children know what that trip is like. Kids asking for everything they see, arguing over who gets to push the cart, complaining that they can't get a new toy, etc. I remember thinking to myself, geez I wish I would've stopped at one, I know I am not the only mom who has said this in their head at one point or another. In that moment we turned a corner and went into another aisle where there was a mom and her teenage daughter, why would this sight change your entire look on life you ask? Well as I turned that corner I saw a mom bent down wiping the drool off her teenage daughter, you see she was in a wheelchair, apparently paralyzed and had no control over her bodily functions. In that split second I apologized right then and there to God and told him, "You're right, I'm a jerk, thank you for what you have blessed me with". I found myself trying to hold back tears the size of Texas and as we turned to head down the next aisle I stopped for a moment and hugged my babies and said a little prayer for forgiveness and thanks.
You see in life it's not about what you wear, what you drive or what Coach bag you carry. What matters most are the things that have been given to you not what you have bought. I realize now that healthy children are a blessing, just because you have a child doesn't guarantee you that it will be a healthy child. I realize now that love is a blessing, there are many people in life who never find true love. I realize now that talents are a blessing, many people do not posess a talent that will live on generations from now.
No I don't have that new Camaro that I want (blue with white racing stripes please) no I don't own my dream home (though I visit it often since it's a model hm), no I don't have any designer clothes or accessories (the whole Coach thing is just ridiculous btw) , no I don't have nice furnishing in my home (hand me downs from many people actually ha ha). BUT what I do have is a house that feels like home, children who are happy, healthy and laugh a lot, a loyal husband that loves me unconditionally and a career where when I go to work I create life images that live on for generations to see.
Be thankful for what you do have and don't focus on what you don't have, life is too short for that.

The beautiful sound of music...

So my big sweetie started her District Honor Jazz Band rehearsals last night. My knowledge of music is truly limited to the number of songs on my MP3 player so to watch a group of kids who were just given songs that they have never heard before and pick up and play them was astonishing to me.
I learned that Jazz music is quite different than what these kids have been taught in school. In fact is is almost the exact opposite of what they have been taught. Instead of hitting the upbeats 1 & 3, they hit the downbeats 2 & 4. If you understand that then you are doing better than me, I thought I was in some sort of foreign language class while listening him speak of upbeats, sticatas, swings, and other musical terminology that had my mind spinning reminding me of all the reasons I am so very proud of her.
She is starting her fourth year of band and I found out last night that most of the kids in this honor jazz band have been in it the year before. You see most kids start off in Jazz II and work up to Jazz I...not my girl she breezed straight through to Jazz I and nabbing first chair on her way! Yeah I know she totally kicks booty!
What I am getting to is how beautiful this group of kids sounded together on just their first practice. They had some rough spots to start but as the instructor worked with getting their counting down (like I said totally different than what they are used to) they managed to sound incredible. Music is so beautiful when it is played by talented individuals who come together and join their talents.
I now have a profound respect for everyone who can play an instrument. I have never been allowed to watch a rehearsal or class so I didn't realize what goes into making the music sound as good as it does. There is so much more involved behind the scenes than people realize. The fact that these kids can look at a piece of paper and then play together without having any instruction prior to playing is just insane to me, they are learing to sight read which is (as the instructor said) the difference between being able to play an instrument and being a musician. I walked away from that rehearsal with a respect for music, my daughters gift of music and a huge boast of pride that she has come as far as she has in such a short period of time.
I have always had a huge love for music so the fact that two of my children are in band now just thrills me and there is never a lack of music in the home. My youngest wants to join when he is old enough so I'm hoping that the music continues to flow as the years pass by. Hearing her play her horn and her eagerness to grow and challenge herself is just one of the things I admire about her. Who know's where her talent will take her but one thing is for sure I love watching/hearing her grow and can't wait for the endless concerts that this Jazz band will bring over the next several months.

Getting old in relation to jeans....

So I am truly feeling old age creepin' into my bones and mind. I awake with pains in places I didn't know you could ache. I can't remember what I ate for dinner two nights ago but I can remember lyrics to a song I haven't heard in 10 years! Having said all that there is a part of me that loves getting older (hold your gasps until you hear me out).
I am nearing 40 now and I'm starting to realize that these are the best days of my life. Yes I have the mommy battle wounds (stretch marks, extra skin, widened hips, etc), yes I can't do some of the things that I could when I was younger, no I don't turn as many heads as I used to, yes I feel like the old hag at work because I am old enough to be mom to some of the people I work with HOWEVER I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than I ever have, saggy and scarred as it may be.
I look back on pictures of myself in my younger days...say my 20's when I was a looker (it's not bragging if it's true ha ha) and I am amazed that I didn't appreciate what I had. I remember thinking I was ugly and fat, keep in mind that I am 5'7" and weighed 125lbs...fat? I know...totally 20 year old thinking!
Now at 37 I am a few (ahem) pounds heavier and naturally I wish I looked like I did when I was 20 but I am okay with how I look and honestly think I am doing pretty darn good for having 3 kids and being close to 40! Yes of course there will be people who will say "well Cindy Crawford has kids and still looks great" yeah well good for her! I am a real woman who doesn't have hours of time to kill working out. I have a full time job, a business, I volunteer when I can, three kids to tend to and a hubby that I want to spend every waking moment with! Pardon me for not wanting to go to the gym.
I was lying awake in bed thinking to myself that getting older is kinda like that great pair of old jeans with the ripped up knees and tattered hems, that pair of jeans that fit you the best, the ones that someone will have to pry from your cold dead fingers before you will part with them. Ok stop laughing long enough to hear my analogy...
They're old, fit a little loose, could use some mending and don't look as good as they used to BUT you like them, they fit just right in your opinion and they make you feel good. What more could you want in life than to feel good!

Where would I be without love?

I hear many people say, "Why can't I find Mr. Right?" well let me let you in on a lil secret...there is no such thing as Mr. Right. Every man is going to have something you will bitch about later in life if you spend any great length of time with him.
I met my husband in high school (insert sappy love story here) we are still together and have three wonderful children. Sometimes love just falls in your lap, I wasn't asking to meet the love of my life at 16, I certainly didn't think it would last this long however through all of life's ups and downs we have managed to still be in love and happy together.
Love shouldn't be work but it does take a lot of work to keep the love alive. My husband isn't perfect and neither am I. I love him and his flaws, thank goodness that he does the same. I think he has more flaws on his hands to love through than I do :) The point I am trying to make is that every girl wants the "perfect" man and you place such high expectations on any and every man you meet. I hear many women break up with guys over stuff that isn't a deal breaker. Secretly every woman wants a bad boy but bad boys don't make good life mates. Nice guys get the raw end of the stick and nice guys are the marrying type.
Guys say all the time that there are girls for fun and girls to bring home to mom. Women should think no differently! When you are young it's fine to have a bad boy around to spend time with but when you are ready to start looking for true love bad boys need to be kicked to the curb and you need to start looking to the nice guys that you would normally not look twice at.
People ask my husband all the time "How did you end up with her" or my friends will ask "What do you see in him" well let's break it down....
This is what I see in my husband when I look at him or think about him:
A man that still thanks me every time I cook anything for him.
A man that can make me laugh when I am having the roughest of days.
A man that shares my love for all that is dear to me.
A man that would go anywhere or do anything I need if I asked.
A man that is still very sexy to me even after 21 years!
A man that helps to keep me grounded in what is important in life.
A man that has helped me through the roughest times in my life.
A man that loves me unconditionally even when I carry lots of emotional baggage.
A man that doesn't expect anything from me but to be loved.
A man that still appreciates everything I do for him and the kids.
A man that would rather watch a movie with me than to go out with his friends.
A man that at the end of the day I can't wait to go home to....

Is our relationship always perfect? Heck no! It takes work, sacrifice and an honest approach to everyday life. We have had our share of good times and bad times, the difference is that divorce is not an option either one of us is willing to accept. We don't hold grudges, we forgive, we respect each others space, we understand that "this to shall pass" and when one of us is angry we allow the other person to vent and then cool down. If you ask any couple who has been married for a looong time you will find that those are the couples who have enjoyed being together but still appreciate the importance of their own individuality and celebrate their differences. That my friends is the definition of true love.

NOT my child Monday!

Did you almost die of embarrassment when your child pulled their own pants down at the library? Want to scream bloody murder when your toddler took a pair of scissors to the dog's fur? Feel like a terrible mother when your kid said a four-letter-word at a back to school event? Well don't! Mothers aren't perfect and neither are children. Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week. http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/08/not-my-child-monday.html

This is a very interesting mommy thing, it's nice to know I am not alone in the embarrasement of life's journey with kids.

I know it's NOT my kid who knocks on my locked bedroom door and then after no answer tells his brother and sister that mommy and daddy are doing something "inappropriate".

I know it's NOT my kid who tells an elderly lady at the grocery store that he will help her because she is so old she can't pick anything up.

I know it's NOT my kid who tells his teacher that we caravaned like gypsies through Alaska for a year when none of us have ever been to Alaska let alone caravaned like gypsies.

I know it's NOT my kid who told my mom he likes her being fat because now he doesn't need to bring a pillow out to take a nap he can just use her belly.

I know it's NOT my kid who at 18mo walked in on hubby and I having "private time" without our knowledge and then just stood there and laughed at us.

I know there are many more to come and many that have happened but just escaped my thoughts at the moment. What a great way to share some funny stories with other moms!

Whirlwind they call life...

So here is my babies during our trip to Texas, we had a blast! It is such a blessing and a curse as a mom to watch your children grow. On one hand you get to see those that you love learn and grow, watch them go through life's trial and try to help them without smothering their individuality. On the other hand your kids are only yours for a short period of time in the grand sceme of things. My big sweetie will only probably live with us for another 4yrs and then I will no longer have daily knowlegde of her good days and bad days. She will spread her wings and start her life, in doing so days will go by without her calling. We all say they won't but as adults we don't all continue that close relationship with our parents that we enjoyed as we were children.
I notice it the most with my youngest, it seems like the years have flown by. I feel like I'm gonna blink one day and they will all be grown. For now I will continue to love, enjoy and even admire my children though every step of their lives. I am proud of all of them and I hope as they grow and move on we will continue the close bond we have now. Love you guys to the moon and back!
Mommy